Lose Yourself
by NamilovesDegrassi98
Summary: He was just a janitor in the building; one who was supposed to be mopping the floors and doing his job. She was just a patient; one who needed to be here for her addiction-a strange, yet alluring addiction through his eyes. /AU/Eclare/OOC/ *UPLOADING CH.5 SOON AND READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE IN CH.1*
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So like I said in the last chapter of _The Secrets Between _I am taking over Cliffhanger Girl's story Lose Yourself and before you say anything else, here is a message from her:**A/N from The Cliffhanger Girl: Hi guys! I just wanted you all to know that I've handed over my story "Lose Yourself", to NamilovesDegrassi98 and she will continue this story for all of you readers! Thank you for your cooperation, happy reading!

**So I will continue this story and I am currently working on ch.5 so I will try to have it up by the latest Friday. And that is all so now, you may read the story Lose Yourself.**

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_**Lose Yourself**_

**ELI**

Each patient steps on the scale; going from weight to height, from height to blood pressure and blood pressure to a small room. A small room that contains five people, five who _you_ are told were "just like you".

Everyday I watch one after another file into those rooms, and come out, only to be given an assigned room, in which they stay in until "they improve". But the sick joke of it all, is that nobody ever leaves this place...because they don't get better.

The mop in my hands is gripped tightly, the splinters digging into my palms. As I swipe the already picture perfect floor, I hear the clanking of two heels walk right through my clean floor.

"Hey, what the fuck is your problem?" I hiss, not caring who it was, or why they were I know is that they're fucking up my job and making me stay here a few seconds later than I have to be.

_**I hate it here; the smell, the vibe, the people-everything.**_

"Woops." The small words fall from her lips, as she palms a fistful of dirty water from the bucket, splashing it in my face.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I scream loudly, making peoples' heads turn from playing their board games or connecting their puzzles.

"Come on Clare, this way. I'm sorry Elijah, it won't happen again." Ms. Dawes, the leader of the _**company**_, quickly grabs hold of the blue eyed woman, leading her to the examination room.

"Come on Clare, this way. I'm sorry Elijah, it won't happen again." My lip twitches, hearing the curly haired nut job echo Ms. Dawes' words.

_**Boy, that one must be insane.**_

The lights above me start to turn off, and I realize that it's finally closing time. What I do find extremely strange is the fact that they were bringing someone in close to midnight...

_Something they _**_never_**_ do._

**CLARE**

"Ms. Edwards, would you like to tell me why you're here right now?" My eyelids are heavy, growing tired of the elderly woman trying to rip answers right from my closed lips.

I laugh, lying down and stretching my limbs while the therapist before me attempts to make me talk.

"Come on Clare, you know where you are. Now tell me why you think you're here? We have all night." Ms. Dawes spoke sternly, licking a clean sheet of paper and grabbing a pen.

Without thinking twice, I sigh happily, the burning sensation between my thighs heating up when the image of the angry janitor floats into my mind.

"I want the janitor." I mutter into the soft pillow beneath my head, as Ms. Dawes asks me to repeat myself since she didn't hear me.

_**No one ever does.**_

"You can't have him Clare, he's not yours." She states matter-of-factly, shooting me a cold glare.

"...But he can be."

**ELI**

**_Beep!_**

**_Beep!_**

**_Beep!_**

I slam my hand over the most annoying alarm clock in the world on my bedside table, before smashing it underneath my clenched fist.

"Fuck. Now I have to get another one." I groan, throwing the sheets off my bare body.

The vent above me rushes a gust of chilled air over me, causing my skin to crawl. With a fast pace I slip boxers on, and throw my work clothes over them. While I'm lacing my shoes up, I feel my cellphone buzz in my pocket.

_**Hi Elijah,**_

_**Not sure if you remember me, but I'm looking for another night. You interested? **_

_**-Penny ;) **_

"You all want another night, but I only do one." I mumble to the Iphone, deleting the message before tossing it into my work bag which contained another change of clothes.

After crossing the street and making my way into the first campus site of 'Degrassi Addicts Runway', I slide my card into the scanner, clocking in. I scoff every time I see the big, light up sign in the front because there's so much more to this place.

_In a _**_bad_**_ way._

"Hey dude, nice hair." My neck cranes to my friends voice, as I place my shit into the locker we share.

"Thanks fucker. I didn't have time to fix it. Besides, who am I trying to impress?" I tease, playfully punching Adam's arm on my way out to gather last nights garbage up and put it outside on the curb.

Once I'm done picking up each rooms' garbage, I find myself standing hesitantly before a door I don't want to go through.

**_Clare Edwards-Under Evaulation, Stage 2. _**

I knock twice, not hearing a response. Assuming the room is empty for now, thinking that each patient is at breakfast, I'm shocked to see the same woman from last night, perched up on her bed and looking out the window.

"You're the crazy chick who splashed my face with dirty water last night. Fucking nut," I mutter lowly, but I see the crazy smile curl up on her plump lips.

Her eyes widen when she makes contact with me. She grabs my wrist when it's halfway through the motion of picking up her garbage can.

"Why are you in here?" She asks, her grip tightening on my arm.

"Because I'm cleaning out your shit, that's why. Don't worry, I'm not going to put you in the can and dump you too." I joke, but she doesn't laugh.

"No. I mean like, why are you in here? No one is allowed to be in here. I'm uh...," she trails off, biting down on her bottom lip, grinning madly at the floor.

"I'm dangerous."

I scoff, analyzing her appearance.

"You're about one hundred and twenty pounds, probably five foot two, auburn curly hair and you have innocent looking eyes. Sorry but, you don't exactly give off a vibe that screams 'dangerous'. I've seen dangerous, you're not it."

To say that these people in here diagnosed this woman as "dangerous" was rediculous; putting her under Stage 2 Evaluations-it was complete bullshit.

"I am dangerous, mostly to men." Her tone was sinsiter, as she stared me down.

"Why is that?" I ask, bagging the garbage.

"Haven't you heard?" She whispers, grabbing onto my bicep and standing on her tippy toes.

Her breath tickles my neck, the feeling of her tongue sliding over the shell of my ear sending a tingle up my spine.

"...I'm addicted to sex."

**END OF CHAPTER 1**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Lose Yourself**_

**ELI**

"And I'm addicted to watching cows flying over the moon." I mumble, backing away from the woman who nearly bit my ear off.

"You think I'm joking?" She asks, laughing manically.

"I think you're full of shit. I think you're like most people around here; you know, the real life is too shitty, so you give up and come here." I shrugged my shoulders, avoiding eye contact with the person who should most likely be placed into a mental ward.

"Do you know why I'm here?" Clare Edwards' voice is dark, which makes me halt my hand from closing the door behind me.

"No. But I have a feeling you're going to tell me." My tone is dripping with sarcasm; just the way I like it.

Her finger teases her wet lips as she licks them, grinning at me. The blood in my body seems to freeze inside me at her lustful glance.

"I assaulted twenty men in one hour at a gas station." She admits, not a hint of guilt in her tone.

Her smile spreads wider as she explains her case, "My boyfriend didn't want me anymore...he said he couldn't sexually keep up with me. He was always a weakling, too tired for me. So, I had to fend for myself. I waited in the mens' gas station bathroom off Avenue L, and once they unzipped their pants, I pounced."

"Y-You just harassed men when they were trying to pee?" I ask nervously, and she nods her head confidently.

"But they wanted it...oh did they want it bad." She giggles to herself, and then I quickly begin to realize why they have her under Stage 2 Evaluations.

**_She really is insane._**

"They wanted it from me more than my boyfriend ever did. He always had work in the morning so he never put out for me. The gas station was my safe haven. Eventually the same men kept coming back, but I grew tired of them. So, I went to the mall bathroom. Those men were a little kinky, and I liked that." A pink blush formed across her plump cheeks; most likely remembering what she had done with those men.

"So you're a slut?" I concluded, raising my eyebrows.

"...No, I just **_need_** sex." Clare whispered dominanetly, as I laughed, pulling up a chair from the far off corner.

"Everyone wants sex, it's natural. Maybe you're just one of those people who crave it more than others." I suggested, and she looked me in the eyes, responding,"My ex-boyfriend dropped me off here last night. He thinks it'll get rid of my impure thoughts and actions. Truth be told, I already like it here. I like looking at people, at you. My mind is free, but my body still wants what it can't have. I need it."

"Your ex? You're still living with him or...?" I try to change the subject, but she immediately notices, and asks, "Are you intimidated by my offer, Mr. Goldsworthy?"

My heart races, "H-How do you know my last name?"

I watch with uncertainty as she traces her right hand index finger from my jaw bone, over to my lips. Her cold fingertips create a chill up my spine, as I watch her grinning madly while rubbing my lips slowly.

Clare's hand slides over my name tag, which reads 'Goldsworthy'.

"You have very nice lips Mr. Goldsworthy, you should put them to use." My tongue rolls on the inside of my mouth. A foreign yet familiar warm, bubbly feeling rises in my stomach.

"I do put them to good use, you've just never seen them in action before." I state matter-of-factly, standing up and heading to the door.

I see her scratching her leggings, preferably the area close to her inner thigh. For a moment, I wonder if the pain keeps her mind of the _**want**_for sex.

As I'm about to close her door, she asks, "Will I ever get to see them in action?"

"Maybe someday."

**CLARE**

_"I've heard you've been really bad Ms. Clare, very bad." I moan, my ass arching up in his face while his cock teases my clit. _

_With much eagerness and force, he slides his thick, throbbing cock into me from behind. The sensation is warm, filling and _**_addictive. _**

_"I want you to say my name." He orders, his finger reaching down and across my stomach to rub my clit lightly. The pressure gets more intense when I don't do what he says; the tension building inside of me. _

_"Say it." He repeats, but I don't listen._

_I enjoy rebelling in bed; not giving men what they want. The disobedience they receive drives them up a wall, making their cocks harder inside me. My head falls into the pillow as I grind my hips against him, slamming back onto his pulsing member._

_"I said say it." He snarls through gritted teeth, tapping my ass roughly with his lanky hands. _

_When I don't respond to his command, his hands cup my chest, pinching and prodding at the sensitive skin. A straggled moan escapes my dry lips when my walls clench around his cock, showing I was close._

_"You're so tight...even after all those men, you feel like a virgin." His breaths hitch, and I smile sinisterly, knowing he's about to cum. _

_I feel his breath on the back of my neck, whimpers and moans filling the dark room. I shudder beneath his frame, enjoying the small kisses he places on my back, trying to help ease my shaking bliss. _

_"ELI!" _

I jolt up from the wet dream, my legs shaking and I feel as if I had done what wasn't even reality. The curls sticking to my forehead convince me that I did have sex with the janitor, that it was the best time of my life and that I did scream his name-something I never did.

"Clare Edwards." My eyes dart across the room, to see Ms. Dawes, smiling sweetly.

"It's free time out in the garden. Would you like to join us?" She asks, and I peek outside my window, seeing Janitor Goldsworthy listening to music, while sweeping the grounds.

"I'd be pleasured to join you."

**END OF CHAPTER 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Lose Yourself_**

**ELI**

"Why do you always eat like that?"

I stare at the woman in front of me, who's practically burning holes in my face while I try to eat my lunch. She keeps asking questions about why my jaw tightens when I swallow a piece of my sandwich, or why my forehead creases in a lightening shape when I think.

"I don't know Clare, things just are the way they are. Accept it, don't question it." I answer her, but she pouts, crossing her arms over her chest while her foot fidgets.

"Why do you have a nervous twitch in your foot?" I ask, gesturing to the obvious jerk in her lower body.

"Because." She doesn't elaborate, just lets the small word linger around the garden while people plant and scream, or sing.

"I think I'm going to go finish up my lunch inside the janitors lounge. I'll see ya later sex fiend." I tease, collecting my things and making my way towards the door in the front of the garden.

As I'm waltzing over near the main office, which is extremely vacant today, a strong force pushes me up against the nearest wall. My cheek stings from the harsh contact, and I feel a warm hand wrap around my wrist, holding it against my back, "I want you."

"Clare?" I ask in confusion, easily turning around to face my _**killer.**_

"What are you doing?"

She grips her shirt uncomfortably, tugging at the hem nervously. I could see her fighting her inner self on my question, debating whether or not to answer it.

"Forget it, you wouldn't understand." She mumbles, making her way back to the garden.

_I grab her wrist before she could do so._

"What wouldn't I understand?" I could feel her hitched breaths lightly brushing against my face while she emotionally wallows in self pity.

"I-I need it." She whimpers, ripping her hand from my grasp.

"Need what?" I whisper, trying not to grab any counselors attention that a patient and janitor are interacting.

"...Sex."

**CLARE**

"Now let's start going about our day...how was yours, Clare?" I turn to Ms. Dawes, grinning bashfully as my cheeks begin to warm up.

_His hand cupped my breast, tiny whimpers escaping his smirked lips when my hand tightens around his cock around his uniform. The lips he has are soft against my skin, little bite marks covering my chest as his warm hands palm my butt. _

"Nothing much, pretty normal." I lie, smiling maniacally.

_The way his hips rock against mine throw me into another dimension. I surpress a moan, but within the next few seconds, my head is thrown back and I scream his name. His cock touches where no man has ever before, and for once, I feel a tingle run up my back. _

"Are you sure? Nothing strange went on? You seem a bit flustered." Ms. Dawes admits, as the group glares daggers in my direction.

I scoff, "Maybe something happened."

_My lips are parted, heavy, drawn out moans leave my mouth while he pounds into me. Nothing feels better than filling the need for a man. No one can ruin this for me, because I know he won't stop. The way his eyes show off an animalistic lust for me proves my point, for he is now addicted._

"What happened? Please don't be shy Clare, we accept you."

_My legs shake with immense pleasure as his chest rises up and down above me, showing he's just as _**_manic_**_ as I. He feels the rush, and doesn't deny the fact that he wants more. His hands grab onto anything they can at the moment, and I don't deny his sexual thirst for my skin. _

_The way his teeth naw at my flesh drives me insane. His hips continue to jerk roughly, his hard cock pulsing inside me. I began to scream, but before I can, he places his hand over my mouth and tells me that people would hear. But I don't care._

_I bite down on his hand and scream his name. _

Blood spills from my cut when I bite down on my lip too harshly, as I whisper with no guilt in my tone, "I had sex."

**ELI**

"You look rather cheery today." Adam says, waltzing through the lunch room and I grin, sliding back in the cafeteria chair.

"I got laid." I whisper casually, playing with the plastic fork in my hands.

"Dude, it's not even two in the afternoon yet! How is that even possible? Eli you didnt..." I grin, nodding my head up and down at Adam.

"I did. I fucked Cl-." Before I can finish my sentence, Mr. Kenny-a well known manager around the building-approaches our table.

"How're you doing today Mr. Goldsworthy? Torres?" I force a smile, trying not to hide the fact that I hate this guy. He's always asking questions; never thanking us for our hard work of cleaning this shit hole he calls a safe haven for the **_"mental"._**

"We're fine." Adam answers, "Just trying to eat some lunch...alone."

"Oh okay boys, I'll see ya' around."

Once he's out of sight and mind, I think about _**her**_; how her hips moved, the way her skin felt, the sexually crazed look in her eyes, down to her shaking legs.

"...I had sex with a patient here. Clare Edwards."

**MS. DAWES**

"You don't think he's suspecting anything, do you?" I ask Mr. Kenny, as he hands me a few patients' files.

"I don't think so...he's too far gone to remember anything. He seems pretty contempt nowadays." Kenny admits, opening up his file.

"But I think we should tell him."

The guilt sits inside me, toying with my knotting stomach while I flip open his enlarged file.

_"_**_Name:_**_ Elijah Goldsworthy, _**_Age:_**_ 24, _**_Checked In:_**_ February 15th, 2010" _

**END OF CHAPTER 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Lose Yourself_**

_"Clare...oh fuck...oh Clare." _

_She watches her lover jerking his hips, rubbing her hip bones, and licking every inch his tongue can reach. He's feeling rather daring; he decides to dig his nails into her waist, and lift her off of him. _

_A small, distressed whimper sounds the room. _

_"Get on your knees." He demands, pointing to the cold, concrete floor. _

_Without hesitation, Clare quickly maneuvers between his legs. He shivers in bliss, feeling her soft curls brushing up against his thighs. The small hairs on his legs stand up, feeling the heat of her breath hit him like a title wave._

_Clare smiles triumphantly, feeling the veins in his cock pulsing beneath her soft hand. She begins to slowly stroke up and down, deciding her pace by the sound of his moans. _

_The two aren't sure what this is, how these feelings came about...but what they do know, is that they aren't complaining. _

_Without warning, Eli leans down, ripping Clare's shirt down the middle with his teeth. Her head is thrown back, the feeling of his tongue swirling over her skin drives her up a wall. _

_Clare Edwards has been with many men, and not yet, has she felt such emotion with anyone before. Sex had been always the same; it pleased her into addiction. She felt, she touched, she rubbed, and she left._

_She dives down, mouth open, taking _**_all_**_ of him in with surprise. _

_"Marry me." He breathes out, his mind in a sex-crazed haze._

_She giggles around his throbbing member, her throat creating a vibration Eli couldn't quite describe. He watched the technique and skill she had to balance between pleasure and pain. _

_Every now and then between sucking she'll nibble on the tip, then kiss the bite mark better. _

_"Oh fuck...you're so amazing. Marry. Me. I'll take you away from here. We'll escape. I'll bring you to an island, we can do this until we die. Please." Eli begs through quivering lips. He has lost it; his emotions having peaked in all different directions._

_Eli's legs shake, his tense muscles feeling rather weak as they clench and unclench. He's never felt so out of control of his body, and he loves every second of it. The way her tongue flicks over the tip, down to the base drives him insane. _

_His lanky fingers lace through her curls, tugging at the roots as he grows close to his end. _

_A "pop" noise is heard when Clare finally detaches her lips from his cock, choking on the shockingly large amount of cum that was shot into her mouth. She laughs manically, staring up at Eli with lust filled eyes. _

_"Get up asshole." _

_"What do you mean, Clare?" _

_"GET THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE!" _

Eli's body jerks up into a sitting position, watching Adam staring down at him with an awkward grin on his face. His chest is heaving from his wet dream, a hard on pulsing uncomfortably between his thighs.

"...I don't know who, or what you were dreaming about but we have work. Let's go throbbing python." Adam teased, gesturing to his friends slight dilemma.

Eli let his body slam back down onto his bed, staring up at the cracked ceiling.

He was letting this (supposed to be) one time thing with Clare get to his head. He enjoyed her body, yes. She was very good at what she does, yes. But why was she in his head? This has never happened before, no matter how pleasing a woman was in bed to him.

"...What the fuck?"

**CLARE**

"If you won't tell me who you had intercourse with, then we'll have no choice but to pair you up in the time-in room." Mr. Kenny declared, guiding a grinning Clare into a white room.

She cocked her head to the side in confusion, as Mr. Kenny continued to push Clare towards a man, who was facing the window.

"Why is she in here?" The voice boomed throughout the room; anger, irritation, and anxiety heard clearly in his voice.

"Mr. Milligan, this is Ms. Edwards. You two have a lot in common, and I'd like you to share your stories with one another. Please Clare, take a seat besides Owen and you two have an hour on the clocks." Mr. Kenny disappeared, and with the click of a door, Owen turned to face Clare, who was busy grinning madly out the window.

"Fucked the janitor?" He asked, smirking in her direction.

"How would you know?" Clare's right brow shot up, wondering how a stranger she's never met before knew about her intimate actions with a certain Elijah Goldsworthy.

"All the patients on the third floor heard you. The walls aren't sound proof, you know." Owen muttered, staring out the bright window, while he clenched his fists, rubbing his thighs over his duck patterned pajamas.

"Well, why are you in here?" Clare asked out of boredom, trying to start a conversation that wasn't all about her.

"I tried to kill myself." He shrugged his shoulders, as if his attempt at suicide was nothing.

"Why'd you try?" She whispered, looking at him for a brief moment.

"Because I wanted to succeed." He hissed, biting back his bottom lip, piercing the skin and licking the blood that seeped into his mouth.

"I was addicted to my girlfriend...the love of my life. I was obsessed with her body; making love to it. She was always so willing at the beginning, and I took advantage of that. We were in love. Every chance I got I'd shove her into a janitors closet, a movie theater bathroom, anywhere and everywhere. I never stopped to see what I was doing to her. I ruined her. Eventually, she didn't want to anymore. I hit her out of impulse. She spent a night in the hospital having the bone in her nose put back in the right place."

Clare saw the tears slipping between his lips, and sobs getting caught in his chest.

"After I realized what the sex urges caused, I wanted to kill myself. I hit a woman. My mom was abused by my father, and after seeing my mother crumble, I promised myself I'd never hit a woman. I hit her. So, I jumped." His lips curled into a smile, recalling the vivid memory.

"Why are you smiling?" She choked out, wiping away the tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I'm smiling because I was so close to death. I jumped off a bridge, smashed through the ice, broke both my ankles. I saw the light, and I felt like I was outside my body, watching myself drown in the water. Bottom line is, you're addicted to sex too and you have to let them help you." Clare shrugged her shoulders, palming her leggings.

Owen reached over, and touched her shoulder.

"Don't let the addiction change your life. Take the addiction, and make it into love. Take it as slow as you can with Eli, no matter how many times you've already had sex. Please, just think about it. You're stuck here anyways for a couple of months, misewell try." He concluded, placing his hand back on his leg.

"...I promise, I'll try my hardest."

**_She wants to change. _**

**ELI**

"They put her in the time-in room? Why?" Adam asked, and I shrugged my shoulders.

"How the hell would I know? All that I do know is she has been in there over three hours with that fucking Owen Milligan. He probably bent her over and is fuc-."Adam laughed, patting my head, "Little Elijah is jelly of Milligan."

"All I can think about is taking her, turning her around and banging the shi-." Adam's eyes shot open, shaking his hands in front of my face to cut me off.

"Enough! Enough! I get it. Just wait Eli, she'll be out soon."

My eyes darted to the door, watching it open and reveal a smiling Clare Edwards.

"If it isn't the lovely Clare Edwards. How're you doing today my darling?" I tried to play off my extreme paranoia by walking by her side, and holding my broom with one hand.

"Fine." She shrugged my hand off her shoulder, and flashed me a dirty look.

"We can't have sex Eli."

"Whoa, hold up. I didn't even mention anything about sex." I stated, holding my hands up adjacent to my face in surrender.

"...It doesn't matter. You were thinking it. The answer is no, not for a long time. Sorry, I have to go." Without another word, Clare dashed ahead of me, and I could hear the small, hitched sobs coming from her as she vanished through the hallway.

"Baby boy, what'd you do?" I craned my head slowly to my right, to see my grandmother, Mimi.

"...What're you doing here?" My heart raced scarily, listening to the sound of my grandma's voice fill my head. The tone was so soft, so alluring, and so...**_unrealistic._**

"What do you mean, honey?"

"You said you'd stay away...why're you back?" I asked, facing my grandma and watching her knit in her wheelchair. She smiled softly at me, humming a low tune.

"I came to tell you that you need to run after her." She concluded, her fingers fondling with the two needles.

"...B-But this doesn't make any sense. You said you made it back, that you were okay. How're you here if you crossed over?"

She chuckled softly, shaking her head, "My baby is confused and doesn't know what to do when it comes to a woman he's in love with. The block between life and death isn't going to stop me. Don't be silly Elijah."

**END OF CHAPTER 4**


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